Conversations with my Daughter #4: On Language and Learning

As you've undoubtedly seen in the videos, we've enlisted the aid of several toys to help Riley with her development: a Bumbo chair; a swing; several playmats, etc. The following took place during Riley's first interaction with her newest toy, the LeapFrog Learn and Play Musical Table 6000. (Okay, there's no 6000 at the end of the product name, but there should be.)

Me: Look what we've got for you!

Riley: Dad. Not to mention the fact that I can't help but feel that the "musical" aspect of the table is a not-so-subtle push toward the pianist profession, which we've already discussed, this is just too much. This tables combines all of the joy of struggling with basic motor skills with a dizzying visual onslaught of colors and an overwhelming barrage of befuddling activities.

Me: True enough, but you've got to start preparing for life in the real world. I'm not going to be able to carry you around forever. This table represents the first steps toward standing, walking, reading, and performing for sold out crowds at the Kennedy Center. It's a long journey, so we've got to get started as soon as possible.

Riley: Sounds like B.S. to me, Dad. I've got to learn at my own rate, and rushing things isn't going to help any.

Me: Riley! Where'd you learn that language?

Riley: I think I picked it up while you were watching Zombie Bloodbath 3: Zombie Armageddon last night.

Me: Ack! I thought babies didn't pick up specific words until at least 6-7 months!

Riley: Gotcha! I was just kidding -- B.S. is my shorthand for "brood subreption" -- you know, when parents intentionally suppress relevant truths in order to make a point to their offspring or to defend inappropriate actions.

Me: Oh. Well that's better, then. I think.

Riley: While we're on the topic, language is a good area to illustrate why your above logic is flawed. By your "get up to speed as fast as possible" philosophy, you'd probably suggest that parents should speak in their regular speech around infants?

Me: Sure, the sooner they learn complete sentences, the sooner they can finally engage in meaningful conversations.

Riley: A plausible belief to be sure, but it's entirely outdated and fatally flawed. It's well documented that babies respond better to, and learn better from, infant-directed speech.

Me: Um, from what now?

Riley: Infant-directed speech. Baby talk, dad. Language development is best promoted by speaking to your child at the level that he or she can best understand.

Me: So you're saying I should be using less sophisticated language, "Goo-goo gah-gah"ing to you instead of these conversations, so that we're speaking on an equal level?

Riley: Actually, I thought maybe you might want to invest in a vocabulary builder.

Me: What was that? You mumbled.

Riley: Forget it. My point is that selecting the appropriate level for an activity is just as important as doing the activity in the first place.

Me: Alright, I think I get it -- it's all about moderation. I'll get rid of the musical table because it's slightly on the excessive side, but we should also start to nudge you over some of the steps you've been stuck on, like your attachment to that pacifier of yours.

Riley: If you even so much as look at my pacifier...

Me: Kidding, kidding. Just a little "infant-directed" joke...We do have to build up that sense of humor, you know.

Just to show how good of a sense of humor she already had, Riley then took the opportunity to poop all over my shirt.